Don’t be the bigger person


I feel like all my blogs start like ‘hey guys disclaimer I’m going to write something now, I don’t actually do it myself, but it might be useful’.

Well whaddya know, off she goes on another one.

I bloody hate being the bigger person and I’m an awfully bad loser. Like, really bad. I cannot stand losing. Two bad traits to have.

Even if it’s against a kid, I just can’t let it slide. If I’d play a game with my little brother when he was younger (8 years between us), I’d happily make him cry if it meant I won. I also haven’t got a convincing ‘fake happiness’ face – well, my actual happiness face isn’t even convincing – so that adds another level to my ‘being a shit loser’ thing.

Again, probably one of those things I should have worked on but I’m trying to accept myself so might as well accept that, too.

My mum tells me I was always po-faced growing up. She said I’d be riding a merry go round and when all the other kids went past smiling and waving at their parents, I didn’t even bat an eyelid. Not even a glimmer of joy. Judging from my baby photos, it started around the age of 5. Before that I loved life. Flashed smiles left, right and centre, then one day just switched.

So, when it comes to people saying to me ‘you just need to be the bigger person’, I bloody struggle.

Why? Why do I? Why should I be the one to move on?

Oh yeah, because it’s probably causing me a lot more discontentment than it is them. Here I am stirring over it while they are probably 3 margs down in Revs without a care in the world.

Whether you’re trying to be the bigger person at work, at home or with your friends – it’s probably something that a lot of people find difficult. Admitting defeat or just letting something go isn’t easy.

You can feel like a bit of a doormat and depending on the severity of the situation, you might be backing down in something that you believe in (especially when you’re in the right, but let’s not start).

Why should you have to give in to someone who is more stubborn than you, just to make peace?

I’m torn. Because I fully believe if someone is being a dick then you should call them out. Why should someone who doesn’t deserve the respect have the satisfaction of people coddling to them and reinforcing their stupidity?

But sometimes it creates more problems than its worth. It’s hard to walk away from something you think is wrong and just, well, accept it.

I’m a pretty salty person. I push things further than they need to go and rarely back down. But will this just end up driving me to be an evil old lady who pops the football kids knock over my fence? Or will I just become a total pushover who lets people do what they want with no thought or repercussions of how it concerns others?

Time will tell.

People are always going to stir the pot. Someone will always cut in front of you in traffic. There will always be a friend who gets something they don’t deserve or a boss who takes credit for all your work*.

My thoughts – don’t let people tell you to be the bigger person. Decide what you want to be, choose what will make for the best outcome long term and always put yourself first.

Be selfish.

M x

*Not a direct attack on Will

Mollie Abrey

Head of Content

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