Happiness in 12 bullet points

You’ve probably got used to coming on here for the last few months and reading something mildly miserable with a hint of “aw, poor thing”.

If you’ve come here today for that then I’m sorry, my friend, but I’m doing alright. You also probably expected bullet points, but wordpress keeps fudging them so I give up, have an indent instead.

You know when things start to pull together? They aren’t as confusing and you don’t sit there every evening thinking “well this is absolutely shit, can’t wait to do it again tomorrow”.

I feel like I’ve had a little glimmer of excitement for the next year. Something which I’ve never really had before. This year has taught me a lot, mainly that self-care is the only thing I should focus on until I’m really bloody happy. Nobody else can (or should have to) make you feel good. You gotta do that for yourself. So anyway, Captain Rambler is off again… here are 12 things I’ve either realised or come to terms with this year.

Writing is great, especially writing about how you’re feeling. I’m happy to post mine, but you don’t have to. Giving yourself some level of control over how you’re feeling takes the edge off. If my English teacher Mr Lovett could see me now, he would apologise for throwing that stack of A4 paper at me and storming out the classroom. Little does he know.

Questioning things doesn’t mean you’re being difficult. I’ve never really been someone to just take something for face value, but I rarely have the effort to question things. Maybe it’s the fear of coming across as a dick or maybe it’s cause I’m a lazy troll. But the more you question, the more you learn.

Gut instincts are usually right. Listen to them and trust them.

So bloody many people take medication for a mental health problem (or they have done in the past). High fiving a girl in a pub toilet at 2am because you’re both on Sertraline is sometimes the boost that you need to feel, well, less crazy. You’d take a painkiller if you got a headache, so why not add a little dose of serotonin into your life when you need it the most? Talking about these things is good.

On the topic of the above, sometimes things feel like they are suffocating you and you cannot imagine ever not feeling as bad as you do that day. You can’t focus, you can’t get out of bed and everything is black. But your days really do get better. Whether you decide to challenge your feelings or accept them, just know that when you look back on it you think “wow what a drama queen”.

Putting yourself first doesn’t make you selfish. Nor does putting up walls. Or pushing people off those walls. Kicking them when they’re over the other side isn’t a good idea, but sometimes you want to.

Watering yourself down, not being the best version of you or forgetting the little things that make you happy won’t make it easier for other people to like you. I’m loud, I’m sarcastic and I’m a handful sometimes, but I’ll always remember a guy I worked with once saying “I’ve never known anyone to be such a bitch and be so endearing at the same time”. Let people love you for who you are and not who you think they want you to be.

If your car has a light on it for more than a year, just get it looked at. Because one day you’ll be driving to work without a care in the world and then you’ll be stuck at the bottom of a very steep hill after your engine fails. Don’t put things off (says the queen of putting things off all high and mighty).

There are very few things in the world that cannot be fixed with a day in PJs/tracksuit/dressing gown and a mouthful of pizza. Usually to be eaten when sat on the floor watching a sad film. Ideally with friends, but that’s neither here nor there.

You’re allowed to let things (mostly people) go which aren’t improving your life. Walking away is sometimes the hardest thing to do, but you were in that position for a reason, and going back on it probably won’t change a thing.

People say you shouldn’t live to work and that you should work to live, but you shouldn’t feel bad if you want to focus on work for a while. You’ll be doing it for the rest of your life, you might as well try and bloody enjoy it.

You are the most important person in your world. Do whatever the fuck makes you happy, sack off things that don’t, travel more, accept your emotions and don’t settle for anything less than really god damn glorious.

We’re all flying around on this stupid rock together, might as well help each other out.

M x