Just fine

Yes, I am basing an article on one of the best songs to bless my ears (which I’ve had on repeat all week – who else goes through a phase of playing one song until you’re done with it for another 2 years?). Mary J Blige, thank you for the belter.

Fine can be many things.

A well-made, delicate item of clothing. A really annoying £70 that you don’t want to part with. A lovely looking person walking down the street.

I’m talking about the feeling of ‘fine’. Though, I suppose it’s less of a feeling and perhaps just another simple word we describe satisfactory to be. Even if you’re not fine, saying you are is enough of an explanation to bat off any question. An easy acquiescence to settle with if something is, well, not fine.

Are you ok? Yeah, I’m fine. You can hear I’m not, I know I’m not, but let’s leave it there.

Rolled your ankle in public on a dodgy bit of pavement down Witney high street and a stranger runs over after your dramatic fall to the floor but it’s ok because you’re fine. I’m absolutely mortified and I know old mate behind me caught a glimpse of something he shouldn’t have but don’t worry it’s fine.

Quite obviously been crying for three hours over a new episode of The Hills which brought back so many memories but don’t worry, you’re fine. Lauren didn’t go to Paris and now she isn’t in the new series and you’re completely not fine.

Your boss embarrassed you in front of the office again? It’s ok, you’re fine. I’m angry beyond belief but profanity towards office seniors is unprofessional and I really need this job.

Kanye West playlist on the office sonos again and someone asks if you want to put on something else? Absolutely yes I won’t even pretend this is fine someone make it stop.

You’re more than fine. You can be tired, optimistic, angry, depressed, thrilled – why hide it? We have a wall between being honest with our feelings and telling someone the truth. Why is it natural for us to revert to fine?

Sometimes I’ll be fine to spare someone else’s feelings, to avoid upsetting or bringing them into a bigger situation. So perhaps sensitivity towards other people is the problem. Understanding the wider implications of not being ‘fine’ and thinking that (in the short term) it’s the easiest option.

I’m guilty. Having 20 other feelings overpowering me but settling with fine to avoid any conversation around the subject, even if it would benefit me. I could talk the hind legs off a donkey (thanks Adam for the phrase), but verbalising what I’m going through for me, like a lot of people, is difficult. Does that make you weak for not being able to (or wanting to) articulate it well enough to address your true feelings?

Who knows? All that I do know, is MJB sang an incredibly catchy song and I’m an overthinker.

M x



There she is.

Adam Williams

Technical & Engineering Consultant

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