Mollie + pressure = commotion.
Success isn’t something I’ve ever really thought too much about. Probably because until now I’ve not had a job that people would deem as ‘successful’. And to be honest, a lot of people would probably still not view what I do now as a ‘real job’. I’m not making millions, I’m not standing up for anything (other than shit marketing and poor recruitment practise) and I’m definitely not saving the world… yet.
I’m content with where I am now (haha, content, get it) and sometimes reckon it’s not far off a miracle that I fell on my feet here, because let’s be honest, what on earth am I doing? So, for now I’d consider what I’m doing as a success. Although that being said, what success is to one person can obviously differ massively from the next. I feel like the word success is going to be incredibly overdone by the end of this one, don’t you?
People get so caught up on big wins that it can make the small ones seem insignificant. Especially when you compare your wins to what everyone else is achieving. Jesus, if I put my life up against half of these people online then I’d feel like an absolute sack of crap. Which is funny because I do, but I’ll probably grow out of it.
If I look back on my last 12 months and measure it against someone else, I could probably just get in a dark little hole in the ground somewhere cold and wet and not come back out again for a while. Or ever. Which if I’m being honest would probably please some people.
I’m not very good at making plans. I don’t like the pressure of them. Pressure sucks. Mollie + pressure = commotion.
You know when bloody everyone in an interview says that they excel under pressure and do their best work? Behave, that isn’t a thing. I don’t believe you. You’re lying. The more pressure I’ve got on me to do something the less likely I am to follow through. And obviously everyone is exactly the same and carbon copies of one another.
Poor Will hasn’t managed to get me to do a PDP since I started here. Not sure he could do it for all the money in the world. Everyone has their reviews; they have goals they want to achieve, and things set out. Me? Sometimes leaving the house is a big enough success. My current thought is that if I focus on my small wins, then the big ones will just fall in place as a by-product.
In fact, our last review for me was last summer and we just went to the pub, had a gin and scrolled through my LinkedIn posts and had a laugh at some of the comments.
Where do I want to be in 12 months? Fuck knows. If I’d have done my plan at the beginning of last year and reviewed it now, I’d be in a right old two and eight. Do I want to have a successful year? Obviously. I’m not sure many people wake up and think “hang on a minute, everything is going a bit too well, let’s ruin something good”. But is giving myself a big overarching expectation to hit by the end of it going to do me any favours? Absolutely not, that’s not how I work.
Sure, I’ve done pretty well for myself and for OX Seven, but I’m also teetering on the edge of a breakdown on the regs. Maybe this is how old mate felt before he chopped his ear off. I’ve got quite nice ears and I don’t really want to take a knife to them.
Sometimes success is making it through the day. Sometimes it’s making it through the hour. Getting dressed. Leaving the house. Saying no to another episode on Netflix at 3am. Getting that payrise *hint hint*. Dropping a grudge that’s been chipping away at you. Not punching someone in the face when they cut in front of you after you’ve been queuing 10 minutes for a drink.
Getting caught up in other people’s success or their expectations isn’t helpful. You do your own bits, find what makes you feel like you’ve achieved something and let that be enough.
God I’m good at giving advice. Can’t wait to take it all on board one day.
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