The big G
I’ve been thinking a lot recently (I know, uh oh) about myself, where I’ve got to over the last few years and more importantly, where I’m going.
Now and then you go through phases of questioning everything and not being settled.
Sometimes the reason for feeling ‘the funk’ is a personal one, sometimes you’re not getting enough out of life and sometimes you’re just curious. There’s an endless list of why you might not be yourself and often you just might not know.
I’m pretty bad and when I get this way I tend to dwell. Yep, she’s a dweller. I’ll run through scenarios, make up worst cases and it’ll play on my mind constantly. I find it very hard to get out said ‘funk’ and then the big G starts popping up.
Science says the average ‘adult’ (I say it like that because I’m technically an adult, but my shit is most definitely not together and it’s a very loose-fitting word which I feel unfairly describes most people I know) feels guilty for over 6 hours a week.
Guilt of not doing enough. Guilt of doing too much. Guilt of letting things slide. Guilt of not trying harder. Guilt of finding it too hard. Guilt of finding it too easy. Guilt for comparing yourself constantly. Guilt for spending too much money. Guilt of ordering a dominos when you had veggies slowly fermenting in the fridge. Guilt for feeling guilt.
I’ve just written that word so much I’m not sure it’s real anymore. I mean, the guilt is real, but the spelling looks very strange.
There is no one size fits all in life, at work, or at home. You feel different things and you act in different ways.
I was talking to someone the other day as I said I felt guilty for how negatively I see things. It’s not that I want to be darting about with pure enthusiasm, but that I should probably try harder and that maybe I needed to try and bring my level up.
She said that everyone has a different level. If all levels were the same, how bloody boring would that be? How many times can you say level? Level level level.
Feeling guilty for things is normal. It’s not necessarily healthy, but it’s okay.
You can set yourself as many goals as you want and annoy yourself when you don’t meet your own expectations, but where will that get you? And even more so where will it get you when you don’t meet other people’s expectations. Screw everyone else’s. If you’re getting by, you’re as happy as your average level is and you’re getting out of bed in the morning then you’re doing more than a lot of people. And if you’re not, that’s okay too.
I’m fine with seeing things in a different light to other people.
It’s okay that they’re all wrong.
You do you.
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